英语口语丨还在忧虑碰头冷场这九个短语教你化解为难_you

1. pay a compliment

恭维

why is it so easy to forget someone’s name within seconds of meeting them? because, you weren’t really listening—you were too busy thinking about what to say next. one easy way to skirt that natural selfishness and propel awkward conversations forward is to open with flattery.

为啥一碰头就很简略忘掉别人的名字？因为，你没有细心听你在想接下来该说啥。一个简略的办法可以避开这种天然生成的自私，推进为难的说话向

前打开，就是用阿谀来开场。

when you meet someone for the first time, “pay that person a compliment when repeating their name, thus helping to anchor and embed it even deeper into your memory,” says professional mentalist oz pearlman, who sometimes has to remember the names of hundreds of people he just met for his act.

当你初度遇见或人时，“在重复他们的名字的时分给他们一个赞许，这样有助于锚定并将其更深化地嵌入你的回想，”作业精力学家奥兹·珀尔曼说，他有时不得不记住他为自个的行为遇到的数百人的名字。

if you compliment alyssa on her necklace, you instantly prime your brain to recall her name the next time you see that necklace, pearlman says. “as a bonus, everyone enjoys flattery, so that compliment can go a long way toward you being remembered as well.”

佩尔曼说，假定你称誉艾莉莎的项圈，下次看到那条项圈时，你会马上建议大脑回想起她的名字。“作为奖赏，每自个都喜爱恭维，这样恭维也能在很大程度上协助你被记住。”

2. ask lots of questions—good questions

问许多好疑问

research shows that in conversations with unfamiliar people, we tend to rate the experience based on our own performance, not theirs. what’s more: the experience of talking about ourselves can be more pleasurable than food or money. so, how do you give your conversation partner the pleasure of a good conversation?

研讨标明，在与不了解的人攀谈时，咱们倾向于根据自个的体现而不是他们的体现来评价经历。更重要的是：谈论自个的阅历可以比食物或金钱更令人开心。那么，你如何给你的说话火伴一个开心的说话？

ask them questions—a lot of questions, and ones that call for more than vague one-word answers (a good rule is, if your question can be answered with “fine,” don’t ask it). avoid work if you can; instead, ask about play—“what keeps you busy outside of work?” is a good place to start.

向他们发问——许多疑问，以及需要一个词以上迷糊答案的疑问（一个好的规则是，假定你的疑问可以用“好”来答复，不要问）。假定可以的话，尽量避免作业；相反，问问玩的事-“是啥让你在作业之外繁忙？”是一个极好的初步。

according to debra fine, author of the fine art of small talk, one question pretty much guaranteed to put someone in a positive mindset and open doors to their personality: “what has the highlight of your year been so far?” this allows the person to show you her best self and, if her highlight includes a topic you’re interested in too, may lay the groundwork for a true friendship.

据《闲谈的艺术》一书的作者黛布拉·费恩说，有一个疑问几乎可以必定会让一自个有一个活泼的心态，翻开一扇通向特性的大门：“你这一年的亮点到当前中止是啥？”这可以让她向你展示她最佳的自我，假定她的亮点也包括你感快乐喜爱的论题，可以会为真实的友谊打下基础。

3. make a game out of small talk

用闲谈做游戏

if you keep feeding a person questions and they keep giving you nothing back, go for the jugular and make it a game.

假定你不断地问别人疑问，而他们却不给你任何酬谢，那就去找颈静脉，把它变成一个游戏。

according to jeanne martinet, author of the art of mingling, small talk should be playful like a game of tennis, not serious like a job interview. her go-to game? “i’ll say something like, ‘tell me three things about your company, and i’ll guess what company it is.’ or, ‘what’s that you’re drinking? wait—let me guess.’ get them into the spirit.”

《交融的艺术》一书的作者珍妮·马丁内特认为，闲谈大约像打网球相同好玩，而不是像面试相同严厉。她去竞赛了？“我会说，‘告诉我你公司的三件事，我猜是哪家公司。’或许，‘你喝的是啥？等等，让我猜猜。’让他们进入精力状况。”

4. try to make their day better

尽力让他们的日子过得非常好

if your conversation partner still isn’t biting, make things even easier for them by asking games researcher jane mcgonigal’s favorite question: “on a scale of one to ten, how was your day?” anyone can think of a number between one and ten, mcgonigal says, and they’re likely to elaborate on their answer as they go. but it gets even better.

假定你的说话目标仍然不咬人，问游戏研讨人员简·麦戈尼格尔最喜爱的疑问：“从1到10分，你今日过得怎么样？”任何人都能想到一到十之间的数字，麦戈尼格尔说，他们很可以会具体阐明自个的答案。但它变得非常好了。

after they respond, ask them this: “is there anything i can do to move you from a six to a seven (or a three to a four, etc.)?” you’d be surprised how happy this little gesture will make someone.

在他们答复之后，问他们：“我能做些啥让你从六岁变成七岁（或许从三岁变成四岁，等等）？”你会很惊奇这个小小的动作会让人多么高兴。

5. play the sympathy card

打怜惜牌

ready for a cheater’s way to advance awkward conversations? memorize three magic words: “that sounds hard.”

预备好承上当子的方法来推进为难的对话了吗？记住三个奇特的词：“听起来很难。”

“nearly everyone in the world believes their job to be difficult,” entrepreneur paul ford wrote in his viral essay, “how to be polite.” “i once went to a party and met a very beautiful woman whose job was to help celebrities wear harry winston jewelry.

“世界上几乎每自个都认为自个的作业很难，”公司家保罗·福特在他的病毒式文章《如何礼貌》中写道，“我早年参加过一个集会，遇到一个非常秀丽的女人，她的作业是协助名人戴上哈里·温斯顿的珠宝。

i could tell that she was disappointed to be introduced to this rumpled giant in an off-brand shirt, but when i told her that her job sounded difficult to me she brightened and spoke for 30 straight minutes about sapphires and jessica simpson.”

我可以说，她很绝望被介绍给这个穿戴非品牌衬衣、满脸皱纹的巨人，但当我告诉她，她的作业听起来对我来说很困难时，她变得开畅起来，接连30分钟都在谈论蓝宝石和杰西卡·辛普森。”

6. seek their opinion

寻求他们的定见

this tip has been tested by perhaps our most tactful founding father, benjamin franklin. in his memoir, franklin describes an “old maxim” that helped him along in his political career: “he that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.”

这条主张或许现已被咱们最圆滑的开国功臣本杰明·富兰克林（benjamin franklin）验证过。在他的回想录中，富兰克林描绘了一句“陈旧的格言”，这句格言协助了他在政治生计中的打开：“早年为你做过一件功德的人，会比你自个感谢的人更情愿为你做另一件事。”

in other words, if you ask someone for advice or a favor and they oblige you, they will be psychologically primed to like you and help you again (today this phenomenon is known as the ben franklin effect). so, if you truly want to endear yourself to a stranger and show them you value their mind, ask for their advice on something. if they give it to you, they get to feel important and valued—and you might just learn something in the process.

换言之，假定你向别人寻求主张或协助，他们会感谢你，他们将在心思上预备好喜爱你并再次协助你（今日这种表象被称为本富兰克林效应）。所以，假定你真的想让一个陌生人喜爱你，让他们晓得你注重他们的思维，那就去寻求他们的定见吧。假定他们给了你，他们会觉得自个很重要，很有价值，你可以会在这个进程大学到一些东西。

7. pass the topic to someone else

把论题传给别人

not everyone is going to be fascinated by that documentary you’re obsessed with. if the conversation has been “flowing” for 20 minutes because you can’t stop talking, it’s not really flowing at all.

不是每自个都会被你所入神的纪录片所招引。假定因为你无法中止攀谈，说话现已“流通”了20分钟，那就完全不是流通的。

“when [people] dominate the conversation, they are talking at someone, not with someone,” small talk expert bernardo carducci, phd, tells huff post. avoid falling into that trap by making a point of letting other people contribute to the conversation, he recommends. if they change the topic when given the chance, let it go.

“当（我们）主导说话时，他们是在和或人说话，而不是和或人说话，”闲谈专家bernardo carducci博士告诉《赫芬顿邮报》。他主张，经过让其别人参加说话来避免落入这个圈套。假定他们有机缘改动论题，就甩手吧。

8. repetition is key

重复是要害

yes, it’s possible to switch topics without letting the other person know how bored you are. start by repeating the last thing the person said to sum up their point, suggests anna sale, creator of the podcast death, sex & money.

是的，可以在不让对方晓得你有多无聊的情况下切换论题。播客《去世、性与金钱》的创造者安娜·赛尔主张，首要，重复这自个说的最终一句话来总结他们的观念。

“that’s very effective because you’re saying, ‘i’ve been listening to you. i hear what you’ve been trying to tell me. now let’s move on to something else,’” she tells real simple. when you do shift away, the other person will still feel like they got their point across.

“这很有用，因为你在说，‘我一向在听你说。我听到你一向想告诉我的话。如今让咱们换个论题，’”她简略地说。当你真的脱离时，对方仍然会觉得他们理解了自个的观念。

9. exit gracefully

典雅地结束

when your conversation reaches a natural conclusion, pull the trigger by saying “i won’t keep you” or “give my regards to [mutual acquaintance]” before making your escape.

当你的说话天然结束时，扣动扳机说“我不会留下你”或“向[一起知道的人]问好”，然后再出逃。

adam dachis, a coauthor of the awkward human survival guide, adds that context can provide you the perfect exit strategy. “if you’re at a party, excuse yourself to get a drink; if you’re at work, you can leave to get some coffee. you can also say, ‘it’s nice talking to you, but i have to talk to someone before they leave.’”

《笨拙的人类生计攻略》的合著者亚当·达奇弥补说，环境可认为你供给完满的退出战略。“假定你在集会上，请宽恕自个去喝一杯；假定你在作业，你可以脱离去喝咖啡。你也可以说，‘很高兴和你攀谈，但我有必要在或人脱离之前和他攀谈。’”

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